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September 11 9/11 cursesHere it is, September 11th 2008. Seven years since the terror attacks, and I couldn't be less concerned about it.
All my focus today is avoiding Hurricane Ike. Bastard. Taunting everyone from LA down to Mexico. I evacuated Galveston Island shortly before the City said it was "manditory." I'm all the way in Texas City...woop-dee-freakin'-doo!
I know now how families die together. My sister is listening to a few sources...1) her boyfriend, who seems to be staying - cause that's what idiots do. 2) the City of Texas City, whose daily messages advise to shelter in place, cause we have an earthen levee that should protect us.
The same levee that they built after Hurricane Carla which hit 40+ years ago...also on/near September 11th...that flooded the city.
Then there is "common sense" which says "RUN!!!"
Call me lame, or a Doomsday-er, but running was what I had planned. Now, we're stuck, because everyone in Galveston is trying to get out causing TRAFFIC.
Houston/Harris County just announced that they still weren't opening Contra-flow...and probably not until after evening rush hour. Yeah!
So, I'll be here, online until a) the power goes out or b) the 100mph winds pick me up for the ride of a lifetime!!
If this is my last message to the world, I love you world. Live Long and Prosper!! :) September 02 RNC theme songsPolitics and music make strange bedfellows...
Tonight, at the Republican National Convention, the "amp'd" music prior to Pres. Bush's speech via satelite came from AC/DC's "Thunderstruck" -- the sample lyrics are posted below:
(Thunder) (x10) I was caught In the middle of a railroad track (Thunder) I looked 'round, And I knew there was no turning back (Thunder) My mind raced And I thought what could I do? (Thunder) And I knew There was no help, no help from you (Thunder) Sound of the drums Beatin' in my heart The thunder of guns! Tore me apart You've been - thunderstruck! Rode down the highway Broke the limit, we hit the ton Went through to Texas, yeah Texas And we had some fun We met some girls, Those dancers who gave us good times Broke all the rules, played all the fools Yeah, yeah, they, they, they blew our minds And I was shakin' at the knees Could I come again please. Yeah the ladies were too kind You've been - thunderstruck, thunderstruck Yeah yeah yeah, thunderstruck Yeah Oh, thunderstruck, yeah Now we're shaking at the knees Could I come again please. Thunderstruck, thunderstruck Yeah yeah yeah, thunderstruck Thunderstruck, yeah, yeah, yeah Said yeah, it's alright We're! Doing fine Yeah, it's alright We're! Doing fine So fine Thunderstruck, yeah, yeah, yeah, Thunderstruck, thunderstruck, thunderstruck Whoa baby, baby, thunderstruck You've been thunderstruck, thunderstruck Thunderstruck, thunderstruck, thunderstruck You've been thunderstruck August 29 Daily DilemmasToday is my sister's birthday. And the way it's all played out I have two "commitments" tonight...
1) our Fantasy Football draft is tonight.
2) a few of her friends & our mother are gathering for dinner at Gringo's.
The draft was insane to plan out with the holiday weekend, vacations, etc. And 9 Fridays out of 10, I'm at home with nothing to do.
Birthdays in my family are always weird. Half the people don't care about theirs or anyone elses. Half the people care ALOT - mainly mom! Must be cause she went thru labor or something.
So, I'm bailing on my sister. I know, I'm horrible brother. But the upside should be that I'm not sitting there all night reminding her how much older she is than me!!
The Power of Positive Thinking!! August 17 Welcome BackHey Everyone who loves me! I know how much you've missed this blog, so I'm happy to announce that I have my laptop back from the shop. New and Improved. With TONS of free hard drive space!!! What to do with it all????
I went to the Dave Matthews concert on Friday night. AMAZING! A much needed mind-altering experience. Who needs drugs?!?!
I'm contemplating life again. My path. What lies ahead and where to go from here. I'm open to ideas, thoughts, suggestions, directions, maps, job opportunities, mental health facilities...bring it on. The world is my oyster. LOL!!!
Ok, I still have 100+ emails to go thru, myspace, facebook, etc. Not to mention dinner and rest up for work this week! June 12 Odds and EndsTrying out a new font...we'll see...
I stayed home from work today. I've been consitantly, and unexplainibly, tired for 2 weeks or so. This week I've been reduced to going to bed before the sun goes down - @ 8:30 or 9pm. Sad. Then Mr. Sore Throat appeared, followed soon by his best friend, Deep Cough. So, I stayed home and rested. Maybe God got a cold on Day 6, so he rested?
Sometime this afternoon I went to put a mid-size Gatorade bottle into the fridge. And, instead, dropped it on my right big toe. That moment between impact and "pain" is really awkward. Just enough time to think, maybe it won't hurt. Then pain hits and you are left to deal.
In today's test, I remained frozen in place for another second. And flashed back to when I was a kid and dropped a peanut butter jar on the same right big toe. It wasn't the pain, but the resulting doctor's visit, treatment - a toenail-ectomy - and prognosis of living a year waiting for a new toenail to emerge. Which it did. Thankfully. Only to be cut every so often because it's too long. Ironic, don't you think? June 09 33+Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...
In a matter of 3 days, I said good-bye to Derek version 3.2, celebrated my 33rd year of breathing on my own with a handful of wonderful friends and family...not to mention the delicious cheeseburger & onion rings...and turned around to say good-bye to a friend who I've spent quite a lot of time with over the past year and a half.
We've grown close, but her friendship is completely unique to me. I don't think it was until she said goodbye to her friends and my dog Chuck, that I saw her cry. I think the hug goodbye was possibly our only physical contact. I can honestly sit back and know that there are great differences between us, but we enjoyed our time together...kinda being 2 single people, hanging out, not together. I could've let it drive me into the ground, but with the exception of a few moments, I just rolled with her. I didn't beg for time. Our time was on her terms mostly.
Through prayer and reflection, she decided that Galveston, that Texas, was no longer where she needed to be. She needed to be closer to family. How can you not encourage that??? I was not there to deter her. She was on a mission. I admire that in so many ways. Of course, I laugh a bit, 'cause she calls me stubborn. Sometimes "conviction" and "stubborn" can be easily blurred.
We'll stay friends and hopefully stay in contact. We've had a standing appointment every week for several months now. It's still on my calendar. I really don't want to take it off. But she deserves the best going away prayer I can offer with love...Vaya Con Dios!
April 25 When in Rome...If your license plate is from State A and you are driving in State B...for the love of God, please put in some effort not to piss the locals off.
Case in point, don't cut across 3 lanes of rush hour traffic on a freeway just to make the exit within 50 feet...and if you do, WAVE!!! Acknowledge that what you just did may have been legal...but it wasn't f*ing nice to ALL the other drivers who are just trying to get home & know where the heck they're going after a long day at work!!
Whatever happened to "being on your best behavior" when people go out in public ...or go on vacation to the best island near Texas??? March 08 The more you know...Did you know that Scooby-Doo is a Great Dane?
Use this information wisely!! February 16 New LeavesI think I've finally had enough of daily frustrations. Having the air sucked out of my proverbial balloon, every morning. New positive leaves are needed. Spring leaves!! I need Church tomorrow.
I don't know where my optimism went. I see everything "working out" but really my day to day attitude doesn't nurish that plant. My self-deprication and my pension for trying to get a laugh out of a negative situation, has fed into the "negetive" beast. The beast exists. For the past 7 years I've tried fighting against it, ignoring it, and playing dead. But the beast and I both still exist. The beast is stronger than me...therefore...I have to remember, Happiness exists too. Find the Happiness and wrap myself tight in it.
Old habits are hard to break. New habits are hard to sustain. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day...Live everyday with Happiness. February 05 Mardi GrasHappy Mardi Gras!! ...or to those that don't speak French, Happy Fat Tuesday!!
Haven't quite figured out how "Fat Tuesday" is now a 2 week long extravaganza, but that's how Christianity rolls. I was miserably sick for the first week. Blood tests confirmed I had 2 strands of the Flu virus!! Several days of fever, coughing, and no appetite. Finally started eating half-meals during the past few days. I guess it was some sort of pre-Lenten cleansing!!
So, bring out your lard, russle up some pancakes and savor every last greasy morsel...for morning brings forth the Lenten Season. 40 days of repentence. 40 days of sacrifice. 40 days to center your mind, body and soul...in preparation for Easter renewal. January 20 To Whom it may concern...I apologize in advance for the following stream of consciousness. I'm venting. Venting isn't pretty...but blogging it sounds like a better idea than calling someone in the middle of the night & subject them to it. I've been out of the house all day, so I have no clue what's been going on in the world...much less in their lives...so it seems highly self-centered. Afterall, it's just a girl...so, here it goes...
Could I have been anyone other than me? Yes, flaws exists. No, I don't know what they all are, yet, so I guess, Thank You, for pointing them out to me. Thank you for the time you spent with me today...during which I offended you. I'm sorry. I crack jokes that insinuate our relationship is anything other than what you've told me it is. On the surface it's just a crack, but yes, it's a not-so-subtle way of fishing to see if anything has changed...rather than just ask you. Asking involves a serious, potentially awkward, conversation. Bear in mind, I'm not that into you either. Which I'm sure would make the whole situation SO much less awkward. Not that I the idea repulses me by any means, we're certainly different. However, I haven't performed any of my usual tricks...my mind hasn't really wandered into Fantasyland. I'm comfortable when I'm around you. I can even eat a meal, usually. I don't feel the need to impress you.
But the tone you have used to define our friendship is so deadset, it kinda freaks ME out. Like you dismissed the idea of it developing into anything else out-of-hand. Kinda like when a parent says "No!" before the kid even asks the question...and the kid knows to just turn around and stay the hell away. If he/she dares ask "Why?" the answer will surely be " 'cause I said so!"
So, tonight at dinner, when you brought out how I had offended you earlier and pointed out how "we've already had this conversation" (in that so inviting tone) there really wasn't much I felt like saying. Yes, we had an email exchange before New Year's, where you defined the friendship, but there wasn't much conversation to it. Neither one of us wanted to really talk about it thru email, but we never really discussed it. Nor did I ever get a clear idea of "why." I can't convince you of anything...nor change your mind. Thankfully, I have matured to that point, in part due to a few previous relationships. But pardon my confusion...and then annoyance...at the rest of the evening's events...
We finished our meal with conversation that I didn't find remarkable. You probably said a bunch of stuff and I played with my food. Then you went to the bathroom while I paid the bill. Then you returned to the table, paid me back and then offered going to see a movie - which you had nixed when I suggested it earlier. Kevin Bacon once said "a woman's got a mind to change." Then, on the 5 minute drive over to the theatre, you re-brought up the definition of our relationship...and wanted to know if I had said similar jokes (or fishing expeditions) in my previous relationships. And the addressed how these types of comments can sound, or be percieved, by the other party as being "pushed." ...just in time to pick a movie. How ironic, the only one starting within a reasonable amount of time, a romantic-comedy. SERIOUSLY. Then the line for snacks...then selecting seats...then bathroom breaks...then commercials, trailers, & finally the movie. Funny. Cheesy, but made fun of it's own cheese a bit. A nice break from the dangling anxiety I was feeling about finishing the rather serious conversation we were having. But my comment at the end of it was "I think I'm more cynical than I thought." Yes, it was funny, but tied everything up in a nice taffita bow. But they always do.
And of course, the drive back to her house, was centered around the movie...
So, here I am...midnight...exhausted...still wanting to finish the freakin' conversation. I don't know why. And you haven't let me tell you about YOU. January 11 ParanoiaBased on a comment left on my previous blog, I Googled "Paranoia the destroyer"...HA! The lyrics SO fit me at this point in my life - in all my relationships. Ok, there's always been a hint of paranoia in my mind, but maybe it's something I need to work out with a little help from prayer.
Until then, below are the lyrics in question. Enjoy!
Destroyer Lyrics
Artist(Band):kinks Met a girl called Lola and I took her back to my place Feelin' guilty, feelin' scared, hidden cameras everywhere Stop! Hold on. Stay in control Girl, I want you here with me But I'm really not as cool as I'd like to be 'Cause there's a red, under my bed And there's a little yellow man in my head And there's a true blue inside of me That keeps stoppin' me, touchin' ya, watchin' ya, lovin' ya Paranoia, the destroyer. Paranoia, the destroyer. Well I fell asleep, then I woke feelin' kinda' queer Lola looked at me and said, "ooh you look so weird." She said, "man, there's really something wrong with you. One day you're gonna' self-destruct. You're up, you're down, I can't work you out You get a good thing goin' then you blow yourself out." Silly boy ya' self-destroyer. Silly boy ya' self-destroyer Silly boy you got so much to live for So much to aim for, so much to try for You blowing it all with paranoia You're so insecure you self-destroyer (And it goes like this, here it goes) Paranoia, the destroyer (Here it goes again) Paranoia, the destroyer Dr. Dr. help me please, I know you'll understand There's a time device inside of me, I'm a self-destructin' man There's a red, under my bed And there's a little green man in my head And he said, "you're not goin' crazy, you're just a bit sad 'Cause there's a man in ya, knawin' ya, tearin' ya into two." Silly boy ya' self-destroyer. Paranoia, the destroyer Self-destroyer, wreck your health Destroy your friends, destroy yourself The time device of self-destruction Light the fuse and start eruptin' (Yea, it goes like this, here it goes) Paranoia, the destroyer (Here's to paranoia) Paranoia, the destroyer (Hey hey, here it goes) Paranoia, the destroyer (And it goes like this) Paranoia, the destroyer (And it goes like this.) January 09 All of the above...I tried to choose a catagory for this entry, but too many apply...
My "Daily Grind" was utter crap. And the forcast for tomorrow is scattered crap showers. There is something in the air...pressure, anxiety, frustrations...all bearing down. For a long time I was convinced it was me...or something I was/wasn't doing to muddy the waters and make life for me & others miserable. But I'm fairly sure now it's everyone...at least everyone in our area/department. The sense like every day should be considered an interview...or your termination day. Everyone's on edge...and it's making every day draining. Yet tomorrow I have to give a demo for manaement on a workflow I'm not confident in. I have to fake this a bit...and it's a bit frightening. At lesat I can look forward to bowling and having Friday off!!
My Friend Zone was actually my saving grace. The word Grace applies on so many levels these days. I had dinner and conversation with a good friend. We've started to get together one night a week...usually to watch TV shows we both enjoy. In the past, there have been times where when these kinda situations would be so stressful that I get sick to my stomach. But I was perfectly fine all night!! Sign? Maybe, but of what?
In the process of our conversation she led me to remember a critical process ...prayer. I haven't been to Church since Christmas Eve, and have let my silent prayer time go ...I need to refocus...and maybe see if God can guide me down His path.
Love to all that take the time to read my thoughts! January 06 Try a little tenderness...For a few weeks now I've been feeling a bit emotional. Sensitive to things people say...or don't say. Irritable. Even nauseous under the right (or rather wrong) stress conditions. I figured it was just a combination of the holidays and inability to navigate out of the friend zone forest. But I think there's much more of a physiological reason behind it. I realized yesterday that I've got a few tender spots again. This happens at least once a year. You may remember last year that I panicked a bit and made sure through all sorts of scans that I didn't have cancer. Eventually, the tenderness wore off. The swelling went down.
I'm much less worried now...so if you see me crying over Hallmark commercials and/or saying things like "Well, if you don't know what you did wrong, than I'm certainly not gonna tell you!" or "I don't want you to do it because I told you to do it, I want your to want to do it!" don't be too concerned. This too shall pass. January 05 If every instinct you have is wrong...I'm reminded this morning of one of my favorite shows...Seinfeld. Ckassic episodes. Classic quotes. One in particular appeared in the episode "The Opposite" (5/19/1994 - Season 5, Episode 25)...
Below is George's opening remarks concerning his epiphany...and a link to the episode's full script. Quite entertaining!!
You might be asking yourself..."What's your point?" Well, here in the friend zone, it seems apparent to me that my "instincts" tend to guide me here. Quicksand. Rip tides. The more you listen to your instincts to fight, the worse off you are. The key is to relax, save your stength & have faith that the current will eventually guide you into calmer waters. December 31 Happy Politically Incorrect New YearAll due respect to Monty Python, every Day is sacred, but the last day of any year should be celebrated and cherished! I'm not sure why this particular "last day" is special other than its overabundance for College Football. But today, I picked a fight with my supervisor over the headline "Happy New Year" -- which I had posted on our "monthly" bulletin board.
Every month a member of our team is charged with developing that month's board (located on our software/website). We find or create an image that says "January" or the month in question. But, finding none to my satisfaction, I went with a decorative "Happy New Year." For 3 days between the day after Christmas and Friday, I developed with a sense of passion & pride that is scarce in our parts...or at least in my heart...these days. Conformity is a way of life. And to tell you the truth, I like conformity most days. For a long time, new or creative ideas have come to my brain to die. So, albeit sadly, when the idea to title the board "Happy New Year" instead of "January" came to me...I kinda thought of it as a stroke of genius. When the idea hit our test environment on Friday, my commrads - well, at least they didn't start a crusade to overthrow me. Of course, my entire management staff has been on vacation, so no one remarked negatively about it until 7am this morning. My supervisor wanted it to say "January." She liked the image, she just didn't like it being the "title."
The only reasoning she gave was basically, "it always says the month." I can't quite figure out why this struck me so personally...except that everything I do, has a problem with it. I can't remember the last thing I did that made her shut her mouth. They aren't "suggestions" if you freaking make me do it. Seriously.
So I thought, maybe it was "too politically incorrect" - since January 1st marks the Julian/Gregorian calendar's New Year, which is based on Christianity. Most every major religion and/or culture celebrates it's own "new year" -- but they all have their own months NOT CALLED JANUARY!!! My more politically-conservative friends and family should get a kick out of this.
I really needed to get that out there before I go out tonight...for my sake and my friend's sake. Gotta put on my happy pants! December 26 The In-Between Week{sigh} Finally a night to vegitate. Christmas week can get so crazy! Loved the time with the family...although, sometimes I wonder which give me a bigger headache -- 2 boys under the age of 4 or my mom and sister. At least my brothers were headache free this year!! Can't complain though, I love them all to death. Might trade them for a little while, but I guess I'll keep them.
Gotta get to bed...so tired... December 24 Christmas Eve UpdateI broke down and used a more primitive version of Alexander Graham Bell's invention...the telephone...to call and speak to the Church office. Services are 5:30 & 10:30pm. Dinner with the immediate family (sans my wonderful British niece) in Texas City @ 6pm. "It's A Wonderful Life" starts at 7pm!!...although, I bought it on DVD this year, just in case I miss it. Depending on the order of events, I should be able to make it back to the island to Church service, sing "Silent Night" by candlelight, and home in time to watch a bit of "A Christmas Story" before heading off to bed.
Wake up call is early to get back to TC to watch the great nephews open gifts --- apparently around 7am!! Let's just hope the older one -- who is now calling me "Uncle Mojo" -- hasn't already torn through all the packages in his devilish assumption that everything is for him!! God bless the greedy little kid.
Happy Anniversary of the WWI Christmas Truce (Western Front, Christmas Eve 1914)
-d Christmas EveOk, I woke up this morning early (8am) to keep myself on "time" -- or as reasonably close as possible to my weekday routine. Thankfully, I did not go to work!! I did however go to Starbucks, to enjoy my mocha (Peppermint, 'tis the Season) and New York Times crossword. Completed in about an hour!! Woohoo!
I spent about an hour in Kroger trying to stock up on necessary foodage and medications while the store & pharmacy were open! Then home to finish the last of the wrapping. Just in time for the boys to tear through tomorrow morning!!!
For the past hour I've been in search of Christmas Eve Service times. The Church's website does not have December's Newsletter posted. And come to think of it, I can't find it nor remember seeing it. However, I did come across our Rector's blog, which had an interesting "Letter From Jesus" entry. I'm hoping the link to it will be posted here: Advent Letter From Jesus
If no link appears...d'oh! It's called e-phiphanies. However, it does not include Christmas Eve Service times. Ergh!
Merry/Happy Christmas to you & yours!!
~d December 22 Changing A TireI might have to dig through the last 2 years worth of blog postings, but I think this may be the first official posting dedicated to things to do before I die. I figure most everyone has one, or developes one, as soon as they accept mortality of the human species, especially their own. If not, they've made a movie, so the cat's gonna be outta the bag soon enough. I think most people keep the list to a 100 items or so, but I don't think you can (or should) put a limit on the things you want to do. Maybe exploration of various sorts is in our human gene pool.
In any case, I have marked something off my list. And since I have no official ordering system, I guess this makes...
Item #1 - Change a flat tire. I know, it sounds like one of those mundane things that everyone learns how to do from thier parents, Sesame Street or Mister Rogers. However, there is a difference between knowing how to do (at least in your imagination) and actually doing. Yesterday I did it.
Ok, so I called for Roadside Assistance before I started. And the tow truck guy came in the nick of time!! I at least got the car up on the jack!! Removing the lugnuts was proving to be much more daunting task. There is a reason NASCAR guys use hydraulics. Mental Note: Invest in a hydraulic system...or gain weight. I'm not sure my 100 lbs of pressure did anything - as I literally stood on the wrench and bounced while the attached lugnuts remained motionless. 300lbs tow truck guy...piece of cake. Damn Sir Isaac Newton and his gang of physicist.
But dang it...I still think it qualifies to be marked off!! Grease, scrapes, sore as hell muscles...my back is still killing me, so it counts!!
Happy Christmas to one & all...
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